Now what?
i don't know how to move on.
this is harder than i thought.

"Promise me you'll always remember: you're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think."



I woke up today.
Physically, I looked no different.
Emotionally, I felt like a different story all together.


I made a decision yesterday.
A million thoughts,
A mulititude of memories,
Are swirling in my head.

Kinda like when you stir the coffee and you add the sugar?
It is just a pile.....of swirling darkness.
The ripples are like triggering memories.
And then, when it settles down, you're not quite sure what's really inside anymore.


Talked to SY about this and we both agreed this breakup was favourable simply because of circumstance and the wrong timings of the different phases of life we are going through.
I'm so thankful that i have met a person like him.
At the end of the day, i would say i've grown in this relationship that i had with him and the best thing? I was made a BETTER person.
I know who i am even better.
Some things i have to iron out about myself. Issues with myself.
not saying i'm messed up because i don't really have that much of a reason to complain.
I'm blessed with a stable family, naggy parents (but that's ok. i know they love me.), a couple of close friends who even give a full fuck about me ( How many friends would actually be concerned about you that they get so disappointed when you don't take their advice? im thankful i have a countable number who believe in me. )


For me, i realised that i have not placed priority on people who have given me theirs.
I learnt that i should stop being so bloody selfish.
learn to appreciate the close friends and be a great friend back in return.
yes, life is not a bed of roses but neither does it consists of just thorns.
The process of maturation is a painful but rewarding one.

At the end of the day, i know me and sy have ended on a good note.
A breakup which was mutual because we have both seen the bigger picture.
Aussie, A'lvls, Actual feelings coexisting between us.
I still have much more to explore in life and i may not want to commit myself so early in life.
As humorous as i am in real life, i would say: Cheers to #foreveralone!

Just gonna leave a few last peektures of us.
We cuddled and we said our goodbyes.
Like what sy: " I'll see you when i see you. "

Forever my best friend.

Forever my almost lover.

One of the best i ever had.




You'll find someone that deserves you more than me.

Finally finished my work @ Gelateria Italia.
But Triple B put me down on tuesday and wednesday and this saturday!
Freak, i have stuff on saturday! Zouk with Dollie! 3:

Anyway, i just went for Lady gaga's concert yesterday!!
WAS AMAZEBALLS. WILL UPDATE ON IT SOON ONCE AUDREY UPLOADS PIXXX.
Went Phuture on wednesday with my girlies! ;)

I think i flexing my muscles.
ERRRRR YAH.

HAHAHAHAHA.

HI MATTHEW :)

Laoniang will update really soon, pinky finger prowmizeee! X
have a great week ahead tho!! or rather weekend.
smiles and much love, xoxo.

How much can we take before we break?

So, i just wanna say my work at gelateria italia @ taka basement is coming to an end!

finally, this whole month of scooping gelato with my bff des, my great girlfz- chewan and venus derpina has been one which is: Amazeballz!! to sum it up! :)

Yesterday was crazy crazy saturday.

we made about close to $4000 worth of sales.

THE. HIGHEST. EVER. SINCE. THE. STORE OPENED. AT. TAKA. Had a mini celebratory supper with the winning team: Kristian, Des and Chewanmushi! :D

Stolen from Chewanmushi's instagrammmmm!

( Rocher Road Tauhuey & Yummehz youtiao!! )

My happy pills! :)  

♡ love you guys! ♡

 

made my working experience a tremendous pleasure and a ball of laughter.

OH OH OH.
AND DESMOND TOTALLY TOOK THE JOHNNIE WALKER RED LABEL OUTTA THE WHISKEY AND COOKIES AND POURED SHOTS OUTTA THE BOTTLE.
HAHAHAHAHAH.
WE HAD " SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS...!" (sings LMFAO's shots)
Damn ice cold and Damn good.
AND ASS DESMOND WENT TO DILUTE THE REMAINING WITH WATER.
TO MAKE IT LOOK OKAY.
#OKCAN.
HAHAHAHA.


Anyway, it was mother's day not too long ago!
Gave my mama chomel earrings!
yes, my own pay okehhhhh.
hopefully she liked it! :)

she may have loads of bullshit to nag about me, but she carried me in her tummy for 9 full months, so i ought to thank her she tanked me lest i come out retarded. HAHA.
Okay, but she did tell me i was a naughty baby and i almost caused her to get a C-section because my umbilical cord was around my neck and doctors taught im gonna be a goner.
like dead baby kind.
LAST MINUTE, I JOKER SIA.
FINALLY POPPED OUT OF HER VAGAGA.
#OKCAN.
maybe i cultivated a sence of humour from a young age....from a foetus to be exact. HAHA.



Wanted to go HC's dance night a couple of saturdays ago.
but halfway plan got cancelled once we stepped out of Botanical gardens!
Bestie told me: "AIYAH, DON'T GO ALR LA. WE LATE. GO SHOPPING LA."
So, we totally didn't go HC's dance concert but went to take pretty peekx at botanic gardens!
HAHAHAHA WTF RIGHT.


Decided to wear a pretty copper coloured asymmetrical skirt!
Falsies x Eyeliner to give the dollie effect! :3

without the meow meow.

HAHA.

Here are the pix we took at the park!

goergeous sun!

photos needed slight tweaking but thats about it!

GARDEN FAIRY IS HERE!!!

* SPRINKLES MAGICAL GLITTER *

Looking at the ants on the floor.

#Okcan.

Not really, i trying to act modelly.

but quite phail :(

Credits to the lovely bestie: Dhiah.

xx Mwaks! xx

p.s: her hair colour so brown and gorgeous righttttt!

To end this post, had roses from Le Boyfee.

Marked our sixth month.

not really sure what the next step is.....


But whatever it is, as i posted on my twitter:
11:11 May the decisions we make be for the very best

till next time, have a blessed week ahead!
xoxo

BTW, WHOEVER WHO STOLE SY'S WALLET IN CMPB,
I HOPE YOU GET LOPSIDED BALLS.

I went clubbing last night!
Made friends! HI NATHANIEL AND ZACHARY!!
HAHAHA. Ah well, good times good times! ;)
I'm gonna party with ma gurlzz or whoever every wednesday from now till the time i fly off!
The music at Zouk is still damn gooood! but it wasn't as good as the first time i went ( not the merlion incident hahaha)

K, just some self camwhoring pix cuz i can.
decided to use demi lashes which are basically lashes that are like half your eyelids.
they give the illusion of full falsies but are actually half the weight of full ones.
Awesome sauce much.

forever annoying face

smokey eyez

k bai.

end of short worthless post.
you can tell im having my period and thus the hormonal stupid post.

So MANY stuff has happened lately.
i think im sucha big disappointment to everyone who has ever cared about me.
few months down the road, im such a bad girlfriend or friend that has such erratic tempers that no one can stand me. But, it is wrong of me to set mere expectations of myself?

Alot of you guys have been asking if i have broken up with sy.
truth is, i told someone on my fs that we are going strong and trying to rough it out.
but right now, i'm afraid i won't be able to do that LDR with sy.
The truth is, not that im unwilling but the fact that, my feelings for him has in some ways feel like it has depleted a little. or i don't know how to phrase it.
i think that every rs needs physical touch and the constant reassurance that he is there but right now, sy is caught up with school. i often find myself asking: Where do i stand as priority?
It is difficult to be the one with so much free time on my hands.


And sometimes, i feel that in some ways, sy is not providing me the best right now due to lots of constraints. think school, school, stress, A lvls, parents.
i think sometimes it is best, i leave him to focus on what's most important?
it has been an internal struggle to let him go but yet i find myself trying to stop that and instead, pull closer to where we last left off.
You know what's my problem?
i love familiarity.
his familiar way of talking to me.
his familiar way with how i work.
his familiar presence in my life these past 6 months.

it is gonna be so tough continuing without that familiarity.
Im scared.
Im even more scared to know i wasn't worth the BIG RISK he took for me.
Sighs. i need advice.

YOU LISTEN WELL AND GOOD.
I NEVER WANTED OUT OF THIS FRIENDSHIP.
NEVER.YOU MEAN SO MUCH TO ME.
I HATE HOW EVERYONE THINKS THEY CAN JUST FUCKING WALK OUT OF MY LIFE AND I DON'T FEEL A SINGLE THING.
MY HEART FEELS LIKE IT HAS BEEN RIPPED AND STUFFED BACK.
TRY PUTTING YOURSELF IN MY SHOES FOR ONCE.

EVERY NIGHT, I TRY AND BE THERE FOR YOU.
AND SOMEHOW, EVERYTHING I SAY IS USED AGAINST ME.
DAFUQ.
SPARE A THOUGHT FOR ME, CAN?

i need to get my smile back.

Everything is going to be alright, maybe not today, but eventually.

If you didn't smile today, watch this.
Cute boy trying to get a hug.
The girl super power sia. HAHA.

k, in case you miss me.

charis liew ♡ ‏@CharisTigerlily

" A billion feelings, a thousand thoughts, hundreds of memories, all for that one person. "
- Lil wayne

Something i posted on my twitter.

Being this close is fucking tiring.
I would like to write a thousand words but i just wrote them in my heart.
I got a million feelings but i just locked in my heart.
I just wanna cherish my time left in SG.
Work has been so tiring that i have neglected this space.
So much drama has happened i can't even begin.
sometimes, i wish someone would take a trolley and carry my burdens away.

The princess and the Pauper.

I know i haven't been updating as much as possible!
Terribly sorry about it.
Im currently re-werking @ my gelato place and it is still as fun as possible!!
I'm working with my dearest dollie, Chewan! So, all y'all who think that she is pretty...can come and stalk her at Taka basement. HAHAHAHA.
Made friends with new colleagues and managed to even get a BFF outta it.
YES, HI DESS. HEHE.
OKAY I KOPED THIS PICTURE FROM HIS FACEBO.OK.
HAHAHAHAHAA.



HULLO XIAO GANGSTER.
HAHAHAHAHAHA.



K I DON'T KNOW WHAT HE DOING HERE SIA.
TITANIC ISIT????
HAHAHAHAHA.

(-_____-)

OKAY ENOUGH OF UNGLAM PICTURES OF HIM.
I SHOW YOU ALL A DROP DEAD GORGEOUS PIC OF HIM K.



OI DESS.
Y YOU NO GO FOR A & F OR N.U.M??
HAHAHAHA.
CHECK OUT DAT BODYYYYY.

* SIZZLE SOUND *
He told me his theme song is " I'm sexy and i know it. "
(-_____-)

(-_____-)

(-_____-)

 
k enough of him.
CURTAIN CLOSE FOR YOU.HAHAHAHA


Just a couple of pix that i took wayyy back.
Forgot the dates and what happened.





fave pants x long chains.
#ootd

Love these leopard printed pumps.
Love anything leopard printed.
meowww.



Le Family.

Hi bruh #2.









with minimal makeup.


Met with CherylT sometime back.

Violet contacts.
Falsies Mode: On.

#OOTD
Simple top and white shortz.

Cuz posing with duckface is overrated.
SO FRENCH FRIES IT IS.

Ok bye. Off to eat dinner.